This is my goodbye!

When we met, you were so wonderful; everything about you took my breath away. You were quirky and honest and full of life, I couldn’t help but be near you… by the end of that first night, we were holding hands, and nature seemed to take it's course; I hope you remember that. It was the night I fell in love. Thank you for that. I will carry it with me always. Thank you also, for all the late night talks we had. There was always something about the way you listened that made me feel like the only person in the world. It wasn’t always bad between us. I want you to remember that.

My heart still aches for you. I am tortured with thoughts of you, and though I am sometimes convinced that these feelings have faded, each and every time I fall in love with you again. This is a horrible thing to live with, the love I have for you. I know that it will never in this lifetime be returned. Sometimes I can live with that, but other times I cannot. I truly feel that no matter who you end up with, and I am certain that it will not be me, that this person will NEVER hold the love for you that I do. I put you before almost anything and anyone else in my life. 

You knew that and that I loved you, yet you did nothing about it. All I had was hope. You were so important to me. It is extremely difficult writing these words in the past tense. I once thought you would be in my life forever.I need to do what is best for me. The only way to fix it is by saying goodbye.

I know this is going to be a long and difficult journey, but it is something I must do. My heart is so

full of you. And you just cast it aside. You allow me to feel these feelings, and feed the passion inside that I have for you because you enjoy the comfort I bring you, the comfort of knowing that I will always be there for you. You keep me around as a last resort, as fuel that caresses your ego.

You know the never ending cycle; something you do or say upsets me, then I proceed to vent out my frustrations to you and threaten to move on. I never follow through with this threat, though, and then I eventually forgive you and come back. You know I will come back, so it doesn't mean a thing to you if you gamble with me and the existence I have in your life.

I remember you telling me about your new relationship. You told me about how you love her, how she listens to you, how nice she is and loves you as well, how you can't break up with her, how you did not want to waste my time because it was official you were seriously dating her. I endured it, because I wanted you to know that I would always be there for you even if I had to put up with hearing that to keep you around.

I remember every single god damned time I professed my love to you, throughout the entire time that I have known you, and how you responded back. You knew what you were doing. You would respond vaguely enough to give me hope, but never enough to give me a direct answer. Never enough to tell me your true feelings, that you have no feelings left for me. But just to be safe, you would never go far enough to give me the satisfaction of receiving your love. You would only say just enough, and as vague as vague could possibly get, to give me hope and lead me on. 

I was happy with the way things were between us. I had finally found peace with the fact that we would never be together again. I could have handled the fact that you were seeing someone else, because, after all, we won't ever get farther than remaining friends and occasionally sharing a night of passion but I can't anymore. Do you ever think it through, though? do you? Of course, you don't because you know that I will put up with your s**, like I always do,  because I love you so much and I would do anything for you like a sad little puppy?

I have threatened over and over that one day I will just disappear, and you won't ever hear from me again. Yet, I continue to come back and give you my attention. This time, I'm not saying it as a strategy to scare you and hope that your love for me will suddenly come back, that you will chase after me to keep me around. This time, I don't want you to come back. I want nothing to do with you. You may go through relationships throughout your life, and you are always used to me sitting around waiting, waiting around like some sad, pathetic little girl who has a stupid crush.

You can see whomever you please, but just know that if it goes sour, I won't be around to comfort you. I won't be around to keep you company and to remind you that, "no matter what, just remember that someone loves you."

I will truly never know how you feel about me deep down inside. You are always telling me some sort of distorted truth. Now, it doesn't matter whether or not you are even willing to tell me what goes on in your head. I am not even interested in hearing it, because I know that it will just be the same thing you have been telling me for a while now. You will never change, and I cannot keep torturing myself like this. I just cannot go an entire lifetime suffering like this anymore.

Don't expect me to answer your calls, reply to your texts or ask what's going on with your life. Don't look forward to anything from me anymore.  I won't be there to hug you back, to spend time with you. I will never again cuddle up next to you and rest my head on your chest. And please understand, I am not doing this to teach you a lesson. I am doing this because I am finally done with you. I am just fed up, and my heart can't take it anymore. I cannot continue loving someone who can't even appreciate my feelings for them.

I forgive you for making me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you. I may have lost someone that didn’t love me, but you lost someone that truly loved you.

This is my goodbye. 

INTERNSHIP, THEY CALLED IT

       

                        

It's been a whole new experience,an experience I harbor mixed feelings for. Having to get up at 5 in the morning, prepare breakfast for my male dominated family, and get ready to work, I mean the only work you do for free in the name of gaining experience. I surprisingly have to start with the breakfast part because the next is quite a task, mix and matching or color blocking my few official pants to achieve a different look everyday, it can never be more challenging. My usually sassy hair also has to look neat at least to meet my bosses' expectations and save myself the "whats wrong with your hair" kind of statements. They really can be embarrassing. Yes, this kind of ignorance is embarrassing but the fact that its just for a short period of time is calming.

An IT intern just turned to a writer.

Yes, they call it intern-ship but i would better refer to it as bully-ship, it's that place where interns receive all kinds of bullying. So, it's in a certain hospital in town that am gaining this kind of experience, I mean, it's supposedly an IT internship but all I get are statements like "Go get us that tea in the kitchen, wash these cups for us" to washing the tea can itself, really? Others just want to rub it in your face how much of just an intern you are by asking you to stand while they sit, among other unprintable torrents of bullying. Please! We are better than that, but that's just it - internship. Sometimes you just have to wake up very early, report to work and just stare at your phone the whole time waiting to at least receive a surprise. Yes! A new challenge would be in order! Why for heavens sake won't my bosses just read my mind? You don't know how much I would appreciate that...

From a different perspective, thanks to this kind of idleness, I now got time to write this down. I have no idea how other interns go about it but I bet it's no different. Someone just has to prove a point, that they are senior and we should suck it up and move on. Fine, that's okay with me but do they have any slightest idea that only a coward does that? (pun intended)

It's about time I completed this internship and it's obvious the experience was not the best, but I will dust my feet as I leave this place. Nevertheless there are some few people I will dearly miss: Jennifer, the optician - I envy her big time. Jerioth, the psychiatrist - I really hope your profession has nothing to do with your state of mind plus I could edit your letters any day. Davy - you're such a bully but in a nice way; that way I always tried doing things right lest I receive a piece of your mind. Isaiah - you never cease to amaze me and for the fact that you taught me 1,2,3 IT things is a plus, thanks a bunch! And last but not certainly the least, Sarah and Edwin - won't say much, you can always secure yourself a date with me. (Hah!) But won't forget you Edwin, you are the reason for my blog's revival,you such an inspiration, thank youuu....and yeah that's it!

Am out. The Logbook calls!

WOMEN........!

I came across this photo and I thought there is some truth attached..yeah I have heard several of my friends talk about men with cars,personally I find nothing special with these men and as a matter of fact they are a great turn off..make a point of seeing me and I'll tell you why..so you woman who is busy getting attracted to men in cars why don't you save yourself the trouble and work to get one,huh!

Marrying for society

we all know that divorce cases have been on the rise,thanks to society and culture.I attended a friend's graduation ceremony few days ago and its only then that reality struck,God willing next year same  time i'll be the lady in a black gown and I couldn't help marvell at the thought,but something happened  and dreaded that moment.It was cake cutting time,yeah that moment that no one wants to miss,it's after that,that u will see people slowly pick their handbags/newspapers and leave quietly,hoping no one notices them.. so an elderly woman was requested to pray for the cake,a string of lines flowed then came this one.."...dear Lord we pray and trust that well be assembled here again in the shortest time possible to cut yet another cake for..i dont remember what the justifications were as i took some time to ingest and digest that ,but i noticed quite a number of heads nod in agreement and spit out powerful 'yeses' to that..like really?yes,my friend was done with her undergraduate course which to the society equates to being ripe and ready for the marriage piece of cake.

seemingly,this is the pressure most young adults go through the moment that society bell rings,they rush and grab that lady/man they kissed once just to meet society's expectations,come on! a kiss means no love,ask Jesus about Judas.Marriage is not a picnic they say,its a lifetime institution.Its a whole combination of love,friendship,compatibility,respect,understanding,trust,faithfullnes,and much more i believe..a love doctor can assist me with that and the moment one of these virtues enstranges another then dislike begins to creep in and its when people realize it was all a mistake and when that happens and you decide to correct the mistake the same society comes in full force to condenm you..
so youve been wondering where statements like "When you marry an African woman, she must know the second one is on the way, and a third wife"..spring up from?
most of these 'people' that were quick to pass that bill are/were victims of wrong choices made and they want to correct them without the society pointing a finger..am one of the few that will let that prayer pass with the wind until am sure i have the right partner,for the right reasons even if it means hitting my forties.we can bet on that because it's only over my body that I will marry for society. period

Tighten your safetybelts once you get there

It was a blissful moment for many students as the cabinet minister for education Prof.Jacob Kaimenyi announced the 2013 KCSE results 5 days ago.Intoxicated by their success,they couldnt help express their joy on air and even shared want they would want to pursue.Medicine,law were some of the careers they mentioned.I must say i envied them big time,their parents joy also wouldn't go unnoticed and at some point i remember wishing and hoping that i will also bring to earth very bright kids if not geniuses.i know every parent want that, even those that bring forth those dumb asses that i attract,no offense whatsoever..and as i was glued to my debilitated analogue device i thought about these kids future,will they wear the same smiles four-six years to come?everyone would want to think that theirs will be a smooth road and of course understandbly expect to find them in hospitals,big offices serving the nation some years from now.i thought that as well untill i landed to that every kids dream place-the university -where people attain degrees ,meet their perfect matches ,scoop themselves good jobs,well paying ofcourse and live happily ever after..or so they think but honestly speaking how many of these will complete the course of their dream?how many will drop out due to various avoidable circumstances?are we ever going to hear of those names ever again coz its only logical that we expect to hear them get mentioned somewhere in future,otherwise what would be the essence!?pull out your chair coz there's more you need to know,won't you?those that had their names nowhere mentioned surprisingly,will scoop the First class grades in the middle level colleges they will eventually join,perfect their career and will emerge the continents greatest entrepreneurs..come on!i should hear an "Amen to that".

The journey through university is not a walk in the park like many would argue.I know some wouldn't agree more.it requires a self driven ,versatile person who will strongly sail through the squally sea,but what really happens?most of these kids are cognitively very intelligent but socially,emotionally and culturally not very good..their parents and teachers have made them to think that books are everything they need.they will bear me witness on this,they've spent most of their time burried in books,they know no social life which is want consumes them up and when they get to a place where classes and books probably take the least of their time they end up getting overwhlmed and are carried away by the much freedom they wake up to every other day..its no longer news to hear of university students dying through fatal accidents ,reason being they hooked up for a party and decided that alcohol never robbed off noone's ability to drive or worse, female students being found dead in night clubs..these are sadly the same clueless smiley faces you watched on your screen celebrating their results.
This is a challenge to all those who secured themselves places in colleges and universities..you need to tighten your safetybelts..both men and women are equally vulnerable.you are the people the nation needs tomorrow,there so many unexploited opportunites waiting for your wits..disappointments from you is the last thing we expect..i leave it at that for now for lack of space but it would be necessary if you took that seriously and trust you me,you will come to thank me later.wish you well.

No,thankyou

Number 3,are you serious?you don know how many situations are giving me tension right now.. i would want to borrow from your school of thought,but you know what?I prefer to face each problem head on..that's how doughty people are like.so it's a "no,thank you"

Hello,my name is single

My friends think its a cute name but i desperately wonna change it..but how? when the handsome guy is a bad boy,the oky looking guy without money is a wimp,and the oky guy with money thinks all women are after his money..puuh!coming to think of it ,I want to retain my name now more than ever and as long as I can..

Now this goes to that oky rich guy,we don need your money,some of us have more than we need.yes,I think its time you style up coz the bitter truth is....I still wonna change my name some day.